Beyond Butterflies: Allowing Faith to Anchor Your Marriage
Life has a way of placing meaningful topics at our doorstep. Today, that subject is love. More specifically, love and the complexities of commitment in marriage.
We’ve all witnessed relationships that begin with fervent hope. Some endure a lifetime, others falter. The Longworth Law Firm reports that 25% of Christian marriages are ending in divorce. While these statistics are alarming, they rarely deter hearts still yearning for lifelong companionship.
The desire for a partner who will navigate both mountaintop highs and valley lows is a timeless human longing, etched deep within our souls.
The Movies Make It Look Easy
Our understanding of love is often shaped by cinematic narratives: chance encounters, witty banter, moonlit conversations, and tear-jerking, triumphant endings. Hollywood tells us that love is passion plus tragedy equals triumph.
But real life seldom follows such a script. Most relationships face more than one "climax." After the vows are exchanged and the honeymoon fades, real trials emerge. These are moments when passion alone simply isn’t enough.
As an occasional wedding planner, I’ve had a front-row seat to both the joyous walk down the aisle and the challenging aftermath. I’ve witnessed couples who seemed inseparable, only for their marriage to unravel within weeks or months. Their swift dissatisfaction led some to entertain thoughts of divorce less than six months in.
Witnessing this, alongside those who part ways after decades, begs a critical question: Is love—at least as we commonly define it—enough to sustain true commitment?
A World Hungry for Authentic Connection
People are actively seeking love in the form of connection. The world’s hunger for it is evident in the surge of dating apps and networking events promising "eligible" options. This longing leads some to settle too quickly, others to harden their hearts, and countless individuals to silently suffer the peace-robbing effects of loneliness.
Yet, this desire for connection is not only natural but also divinely ordained. Our longing for love is a God-given impulse; He didn't create us to walk this journey alone.
“18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” -Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
From the creation account, we learn that Adam needed a helper, a partner in life and connection. Throughout scripture, we see the profound benefit of connection, not only in marriage but also within families, friendships, and ministry.
Connection is inherently beneficial when anchored in God's design. Untethered from His blueprint, however, it can lead to detrimental patterns. In relationships, feelings can fade and romance may flicker, but love rooted in Christ endures.
The Unconventional Wisdom of Arranged Marriages
Consider the contrasting vantage point of arranged marriages, which challenge Western ideals that romantic love must be the sole foundation. I've had the privilege of speaking with individuals from cultures where marriage is not initiated by personal feeling but by family decision and collective vision.
One man plainly told me, “In our culture, the goal of marriage is success, not butterflies. We learn to love.”
His statement was both striking and convicting, especially considering the countless arranged marriages that have stood the test of time. Many of these unions, built on shared goals, community support, and a commitment to longevity, have outlasted marriages founded solely on romance. While our culture prioritizes emotional connection, theirs values peace, stability, and legacy.
This isn't to suggest that everyone should pursue an arranged marriage, but it fundamentally challenges those who rely on romantic love to seek God's deeper intentions for love. It also compels us to ask: What happens when the butterflies fade?
Commitment Beyond Fleeting Emotion
In a separate conversation, a husband navigating a difficult season in his marriage shared a simple yet provoking thought: "Even in marriage, we are called to glorify God."
This perspective immediately shifts the conversation from fleeting feelings to unshakeable faith. Our feelings are real, but they are not always reliable. When God is at the center, covenant takes precedence over convenience.
He continued to describe the essentials of a God-honoring marriage: friendship, communication, forgiveness, humility, and unwavering commitment. As he spoke, one word resonated deeply within my spirit: Agape. This is the unconditional love of God.
“Love is patient, love is kind... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” —1 Corinthians 13:4, 7-8 (NIV)
Agape is not governed by mood or circumstance. It is a decision. A discipline. A choice to honor covenant, even when it’s difficult.
When the Butterflies Fade: Finding Strength in Deeper Love
If you find yourself in a season where the initial rush of romance has subsided, please know that you are not alone, and your marriage is not necessarily failing.
This is often the very space where the deeper, more resilient love of Christ is forged. It's an invitation to shift from a love based on fleeting emotion to one rooted in intentional commitment, shared purpose, and a steadfast faith.
This is where your spiritual strength, wisdom, and the transformative power of God’s love become your greatest allies. It’s a moment to lean into the covenant you made, trusting that God can reignite passion and cultivate an even richer, more profound connection than you've ever known.
Reflect and Realign
I invite you to reflect on the following:
What does “love” mean to you? Is your definition shaped more by culture or by Christ?
Have you placed unrealistic expectations on love that might be undermining your relationships?
How are you cultivating Agape in your own life—whether married or single?
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
—1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
Let us not abandon love, but rather pursue it with wisdom, patience, and the humility to ask God to redefine it for us. For when He is at the center, love transcends mere feeling; it becomes a holy force that sustains, sanctifies, and strengthens.
Grace for Every Season: When Marriages Change Course
For some, the path of marriage has led to deep pain and loss, where despite best intentions and fervent prayers, the covenant was not sustained. If this is your story, I want you to hear this with absolute clarity: your worth is not diminished by a broken vow, nor is God's plan for your life halted.
The very principles of Agape, of learning to love beyond circumstances, extend beyond the confines of a specific relationship. Your experiences, even the most painful ones, are fertile ground for growth, clarity, and a deeper understanding of God's relentless love for you.
You are still called to live forward through faith, carrying lessons that can bless others and shape your path to new seasons of connection and purpose, all anchored in Christ. Your past does not define your future, especially when God is your guide.
