Letting Go of Past Hurts: How Forgiveness Sets You Free

Feb 1

We’ve all been hurt—some of us deeply. A broken trust, a harsh word, a betrayal, or even a silent absence can leave wounds that linger far longer than we expected. And while the pain is real and the offense may be valid, holding on to past hurts can quietly chain us to the very thing we want to be free from.

But here’s the good news…forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door to freedom. And as believers, we have a powerful model of forgiveness in Christ. Jesus not only empowers us to release others but invites us into healing and peace.

The Weight of Unforgiveness

Holding on to bitterness or resentment might feel like protection. After all, if we remember the wrong, we won’t be hurt again, right? But what often happens is that those past wounds start to shape how we view people, relationships, and even ourselves.

Hebrews 12:15 warns us, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Bitterness has a way of spreading and affecting not just the one who hurt us but everyone around us. It clouds our vision, hardens our hearts, and disrupts our peace.

Forgiveness Isn’t Saying “It’s Okay”

One of the greatest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it means we’re excusing what happened. But forgiveness is not saying the offense was okay. In contrast, it’s saying I refuse to let this continue to control me.

Forgiveness is a choice. It’s an act of the will, often done in faith before we feel any emotional relief. But when we forgive, we are releasing the offender from our judgment and entrusting them to God’s justice. Romans 12:19 reminds us, “Do not take revenge…leave room for God’s wrath.”

We aren’t required to pretend the pain didn’t happen. In fact, acknowledging the hurt is an essential part of the healing process. But we also must choose not to camp there.

What Forgiveness Does for You

Jesus taught clearly on forgiveness, not as a suggestion but as a way of life. In Matthew 6:14-15, He says,
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

That’s strong language. Why? Because forgiveness isn’t just about restoring others—it’s about releasing ourselves. It would be a crime against ourselves to let the situation or offense win.

Forgiveness sets you free to:

Heal emotionally and spiritually
Unforgiveness keeps wounds open. Forgiveness begins the healing process by allowing the Holy Spirit to mend what’s been broken.
Regain peace of mind
Constantly reliving the offense keeps your mind in turmoil. Forgiveness creates mental space for peace and clarity.
Restore intimacy with God
Holding unforgiveness blocks us from fully experiencing the grace we’ve received. When we forgive, we align our hearts with God’s.
Break cycles of pain
Hurt people often hurt others. Forgiveness interrupts that cycle and makes room for healthier relationships.

How to Begin Letting Go

Letting go of past hurts is not a one-time decision. It’s often a process, the type of process that leads to freedom, joy, and deeper maturity in Christ.

Here are some steps to help you walk it out:

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Don’t minimize what happened. God is not asking you to ignore your hurt. In fact, He invites you to bring it to Him. Psalm 34:18 reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

2. Choose to Forgive by Faith

You may not feel ready, but forgiveness isn’t about emotion—it’s about obedience and trust. Tell God, “I choose to forgive [name], and I trust You to deal with the outcome.” You don’t have to feel it to begin it.

3. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You

This may feel impossible at first, but it’s one of the most powerful ways to release someone. Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Something changes in our hearts when we begin to see others the way God does.

4. Release the Offense Daily if Needed

Some wounds take time. You may need to re-release the offense every time the memory resurfaces. That’s okay. Forgiveness is both a decision and a journey.

5. Set Healthy Boundaries if Necessary

Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. In some cases—especially where abuse or manipulation is involved—wisdom calls for boundaries. Forgiveness is about your heart. Trust and access are separate issues that require discernment.

The Cross: The Ultimate Picture of Forgiveness

We don’t forgive in our own strength. We forgive because we’ve been forgiven. Colossians 3:13 says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Jesus didn’t wait for us to deserve forgiveness. He offered it freely, fully, and before we even asked. And as we grow in Him, we’re empowered to do the same, not because it’s easy, but because it sets us free.

Final Encouragement

As a breakthrough coach and pastoral counselor, I’ve walked with many people through the valley of betrayal, abandonment, and deep offense. And I’ve seen what happens when someone finally lets go: their face softens, their heart opens, and peace returns.

If you’ve been holding on to past pain, I want to gently encourage you today: you don’t have to carry it anymore. There is healing on the other side of forgiveness. You are not weak for letting go—you are wise, strong, and walking in the footsteps of Jesus.

Take the first step. Invite God into your pain. Release the offense. And begin the journey to freedom.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3